The Day I Said NO


By Ginevra Pressenda

Just say no

It happened two years ago, one night in August. My neighbor Thierry invited me at his place to have dinner together, drinking good wine—his passion. He is a handsome guy from the Ivory Coast who runs an association helping refugees integrate into Italy. I’ve always admired his mission and his effort to make immigrants feel at home.

During our conversation he went on repeating how much he likes women’s bodies and that he wanted to have sex with me. I explained that I’m not interested in casual sex. It’s not a matter of moralism, in fact some years ago, when I was just divorced, I had a sex buddy and for some time I had fun. But one day I felt it was enough and now I feel that sex without love or sentiment is too void and bitter. I don’t judge people who like to have sex with different partners just for fun. I’ve always been a great fan of the series Sex and the City! But now I can’t feel at ease going to bed with guys just because they’re cute or funny.

But my neighbor thought that my decision came from hating guys or because I was too spiritual, or because I couldn’t have fun! That’s the crazy thing! If you have a different vision of sex, people think that you have a problem.

So, when Thierry approached and lifted me up to take me to bed, saying: “Now I’ll carry you to my bed,” I looked right into his eyes and—from my deepest core, with all my confidence in myself and firmness about my values—I said: “No, let me go. I’m not interested in having sex with you. I’m going home.”

“Are you sure you don’t want to have fun with me tonight?” he insisted.

“I’m sure I don’t want to have sex. Nothing personal,” I answered.

And he, despite his intent, felt my firmness. I was talking from my inner voice, from the core of my feminine power. And he respected it; he was almost a little scared.

When I came home I still felt the vibration of my inner power and of my firm intent. I understood that if you are firm and really confident in yourself, and at the same time respectful of others, you will obtain respect. This is fundamental.

And, oh, Thierry and I are still friends!

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